Spiritual Journey of a Christian Transman

To Cisgender Christians

Cisgender brothers and sisters,
Like you, I’m a child of God,
Like you, I was created and born again,
But I am a transman.

You tell me, “You are a woman.
God created you this way.”
You tell me, “You sin against Creator
When you try to live as a man.”

No, I’m not a woman.
I am a man within.
I cannot become a woman.
I do not pretend to be.

I just want to be who I am,
Who God purposed me to be.
I am a transgender brother,
I am a Christian, like you.

 

Struggle

I struggled many years
With my transgender feelings.
I asked all-mighty God
To heal me and make normal.
But nothing worked.

I prayed to God,
“O God, why did you not heal me?
Why did you not deliver me from sin?”

I did not understand
Why I could not become a normal woman.
I could not understand
Why God made me transgender and it is a sin.

But, finally, I saw the light
And I received an answer.
God made me who I am,
God loves me as I am,
And this is not a sin.

 

Prayer

“O God, why did You make me
Man inside and female outside?
Why did I suffer so much rejection?
Why people don’t understand me?”

I prayed to God and asked Him
Many times.
I did not understand why God
Created me this way.

“O God, You don’t make mistakes.
You knew me who I am
Before I was conceived and born.
You made me who I am,
A Christian transman.
And it was Your intention for my life.”

 

We Are One in Christ

Even when people reject me,
I know that God is with me.
Even when people hate me,
I know that God loves me.

God is with me always,
God loves me who I am,
He does not condemn me,
He’s justifying me.

I know, cisgender Christians,
Christ died for me too.
I know, cisgender Christians,
In Christ we all are one.

Christian straights, gays, and lesbians,
Cisgenders, transgenders too,
We all are genuine Christians,
We all are one in Him.

We saved by the same Jesus,
We have the same Father God,
We have the same Holy Spirit,
We are in the same Church of God.

 

Shall I Remain or Transition?

“O God, You know my doubts.
You know my struggles within.
You know all the problems
I had outside and within.

I know You are my Creator,
You created me as I am.
According to Your desire,
You made me a transman.

I know that You love me,
You saved me through Jesus’ blood,
I know You don’t condemn me,
You receive me just as I am.

But, God, You know that my soul
And body do not match.
I have an inner conflict
Because of their mismatch.

Shall I remain or transition?
What is Your will for me?
I cannot bear this conflict,
But I want to know Your will.

O God, I want to transition,
I cannot live as I do.
But what is Your desire,
What is Your plan for me?

O God, I know that transition
Is medical treatment for me.
I know that You work through doctors
In order to give a relief.

I believe this is Your solution
For trans people like me
To solve our inner conflicts
And to make us complete.

I believe that it’s Your leading
For me to take this way.
I believe it’s not a rebellion
Against Your perfect will.”

 

Diversity in God’s Creation

There is diversity in God’s creation.
God did not make all people look the same.
There are a lot of diff’rent human races:
Some people’re white, some’re yellow, and some’re black.

Right-handers, ambidexters, and left-handers;
Straits, lesbians, bisexuals, and gays;
Cisgenders, genderqueers, and transgenders;
Asexuals; males, females, intersex.

We’re all created by the same Creator,
He made us who He wanted us to be.
There’re no errors in our God’s creation,
He wants diversity in humankind.

 

Prayer for Transition

“O God, I believe that transition
For me is the proper way.
I ask You for Your leading
And guidance on this pathway.

This way is not very easy,
There are many thorns on it,
But, God, I believe that You guide me
And that You are always with me.

Although some people reject me
Some people misunderstand,
I know that You do not reject me.
I know that You do understand.

I ask for Your help in transition.
Help me to accomplish this way.
Please give me Your help and guidance,
Please give Your support every day.”

 

Let’s Love One Another

Brothers and sisters, let’s love one another
Regardless of things that make each one unique:
Regardless of races, regardless of language,
Regardless of countries, our genders and age.

Let’s love one another without condemnation,
Those among us who are strait and who’re gay,
Those who’re cisgender and those who’re transgender,
Those who’re bisexual or intersex.

Let’s love one another, receive one another
Without condemnation as God receives us.
We were justified by our Lord Savior Jesus,
We were born again through believing in Him.

 

Special Calling

“O God, You’re leading me
To do a special work for You.
This work’s important in Your plan
You gave me burden for this work.

You know exactly who I am
And You created me this way.
You formed me in my mother’s womb.
You chose me ev’n before my birth.

You called me at appointed time
To be Your servant. Here am I.
I want to do Your will for me.
I want to serve you where You want.

You’re leading me to serving You,
You opened door for me to serve.
For many years, for this work,
You’ve been preparing me.

But who am I? I’m a transman.
Rejected and despised.
I have to live in stealth.
I can’t be out and proud.

Your children think transpeople sin.
They don’t receive them in their church.
O God, You know I’m a transman.
And how can I serve You?

I do believe that in Your eyes,
There’s no difference in this,
That cis and trans, that strait and queer
Are equal in Your eyes.

I do believe You don’t care
If I am cis or trans.
You’re calling both cis and trans
To serve You as we should.”